Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:13)
Some crucial questions regarding loving encouragement are worth answering.
- Who should I attempt to encourage? Ideally, everyone I meet; but realistically, those with whom I have established a close relationship. By the way, don’t think that is automatic. You know with whom I am closest? My wife and four children. You know who are often last to get encouragement from me (I confess with some embarrassment)? My wife and my four children. Yet I cannot overstate the value of “courage transfusions” among family members.
I challenge you to recall the last time you deliberately gave encouragement to your mate. Because of an understanding of his or her fear, you stepped in and extended a statement of strength. And how about your children? Or a very close friend? Let’s not assume others don’t need it, even though they don’t drop hints.
- How can the levels from surface to deep communication be penetrated? I’ll answer that with three “progressive” answers.
- It always takes time.
- It usually involves pain.
- It occasionally can be addressed verbally, i.e., “I sense you’re hiding. As I talk with you right now, I sense that you’re not really helping me see what’s going on. Something is being held back.”
That explains why it has to be a close relationship. You don’t walk up to a stranger and say those words. You say them to only those with whom a deep level of love and acceptance has been cultivated.
- What essential techniques need to be remembered?
- Talk less so you can feel more.
- Be sensitive to the timing.
- Watch your wording.
- Do everything in your power not to judge (we can say we’re encouraging, but we’re really preaching.)
- Examine your motive.
- Guard against sarcasm.
- Don’t hide behind a layer.
Remember the primary principle: Words that encourage are inspired by love and directed toward fear. No doubt about it, we need to know what we believe and why we believe it. A church stands firmer amidst stormy times when its members are doctrinally sound. But no amount of doctrine will replace our need for encouraging relationship built on love and understanding. Knowledge may strengthen, but relationships soften. A healthy church family has both.
